dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
