i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
