no, he came in my armpit
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
