We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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