I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
