Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
soo... how was my night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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