I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
