my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
