I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
