under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
