either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
