So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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