Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
