I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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