i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
