just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
