thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
