She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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