i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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