The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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