I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
