Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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