She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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