all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she smelled like a LAN party
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
