Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
