Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
