just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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