Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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