Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
