i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
