The brown eye won't let me do that either.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
