I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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