yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
