party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
