toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
