Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
