By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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