I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
