i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
