Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just threw up on my dentist
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
