You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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