I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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