so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
