my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
false alarm, still single
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
