I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
