Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
