i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
