Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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