every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
