I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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